Top Gear is one of the best things BBC has ever produced
i once fell asleep in my history class and woke up right when my teacher asked the class a question. I, confidently, raised my hand and answered, “Turnip” The whole class stared at me while my teacher just told me to go back to sleep
sorry i’m late, professor. im disenchanted with the human experience and waking up every morning thrusts me into an instant existential crisis
Oh, so women can’t dress how they want because men can’t control their sexual urges? When dogs can’t control their sexual urges, we cut off their balls.
I think I’m onto something here.
nothing annoys me more than when teachers say “now i want you to work with someone you don’t normally talk to” because not only am i soul crushingly self conscious but there is a REASON I DON’T TALK TO THESE PEOPLE
once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me
ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer
his name is scooter
i apologise to every puppy that i havent patted yet and i’ll be there soon pal
James you can’t do that!
Yes, I can
instead of taking birth control you can have sex at night bc the sperm are asleep + you won’t get pregnant
Are you a U.S. senator?
casual reminder that jean valjean dragged a kid through an entire sewer just because he knew that if that kid died his daughter would be upset and he can’t stand to see her upset.
nsfw = nice stuff for werewolves